Right now, you are motivated, you are ready to conquer the world. Years of frustration, despair, and agony have motivated you strong enough to do whatever it takes to lose weight. Right now, you are ready to move mountains to lose weight.
But after few days/weeks, pain and suffering will begin, and all that motivation will disappear. Instead, doubt creeps in, and you begin to long for your old life, this is when you begin to suffer mentally. This is when Negativity kicks in.
Negativity is all the excuses you give to yourself to break the rules. Things like “ahh, this is not going to work”, and “I cannot do this”, “only this time, I will diet/workout later”, and so on. The bad thing about negativity is that once you fall for it, once you skip a workout, cheat on your diet, etc. it becomes easier from then on, and before you know it, you are back to square one.
Negativity could come from three sources: Pain and Suffering, social dynamics, and from within. If you understand each type, then hopefully you learn how to minimize and prevent Negativity from ruining your efforts.
Negativity from Pain and Suffering
Obviously if you are suffering from your program (working out or dieting), naturally you would question the point of it all. Fortunately, the answer to this kind of negativity is simple. You should NOT feel any pain and suffering if you were doing the right things.
You see, the reason why you suffer in the first place is because you are doing the wrong things (or do the right things improperly). So, once again, you need to be knowledgeable about an action before you begin. Not only will it helps through change, but also to minimize negativity.
Negativity from Social dynamics
You could be invited to a party or a lunch at a fast food joint, your family might order in some pizza, your mother/spouse might cook your favorite food, which happens to be full of fat and sugar. In all of these situations, you find yourself at an awkward situation.
You might have to choose between your diet and your social happiness. You don’t want to miss out on the party, or the lunch, you want to have a good time, and above all, you don’t want to upset your mother. But on the other hand, you do want to lose weight.
So, the solution is clear, you should ALWAYS choose your diet. Your diet must come first, before your friends, family, work, and even your mother. I know this sounds cruel, but believe me, your body DOES NOT CARE about your social life, or the feelings of the people around you.
Your body cares only about the calorie deficit. If you break the rules, you cannot lose weight, it’s that simple. Unfortunately, when it comes to weight loss, you have to be selfish. In the end of the day, the feelings of others will not help you burn calories.
But I don’t want to be Socially Awkward
If your family, friends, and loved ones knew that you are trying to lose weight, they would not put you on the cross roads in the first place, if your mother knew you were trying to lose weight, she would not make that fatty and sugary meal. if ur friends and loved ones knew u were trying to lose weight, they will understand when u say no.
So, the solution is simple. You need to inform the people around you that you are trying to lose weight and that you need their support. This We will discuss in details later.
But what can you do when you are in the wrong restaurant or got caught up in a party? In this case you need to remember the point of these events is NOT the food, but socializing. The business lunch is about business, the party is about the party. So, nobody said you have to eat the bad food.
You could still go to the bad restaurant and eat the healthy options. I know it’s not easy, so you need to do your homework first, and NEVER GO THERE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. Make sure you eat first before you go. We will discuss this in detail when we talk about Maintenance.
Handling Negative people.
Sometimes, it’s not the place, but it’s the people that could be negative. Some people might tease you, saying negative comments like “don’t waste your time” and stuff like that.
Once again, your body does not care, no matter what people say. You need to learn to handle these people and prevent them from messing with your brain (ruining your mindset).
Negative people could be of two types, people who love you, and people who don’t. We just talked about your family and loved ones, and how they could put you in awkward situations, but that’s not all they could do, some family members would try to convince you to stop altogether.
They do so because they think it’s a waste of time, or because they want to spare you the suffering. You need to explain to them that your program is designed to END YOUR SUFFERING, and if they really love you, they have to support you, and stop all the negativity.
Handling BAD Negative people.
The other kind of negative people are those who just want to see you fail. That’s because they want to prove that weight loss is not possible, because they tried - and failed - in the past, and the last thing they want to see is someone else succeeding (because that would prove that they are losers).
In my experience, I found the best way to handle these people is to simply say NOTHING. Regardless of what they say, you should just smile and say “well, I’ll just give it a try” and avoid any pointless arguments. In the end, why argue with a loser?
But after a while, people will leave you alone. Eventually, something amazing will happen, when you start to show results, you will start to hear appraise from the same negative people, they will start to ask you for advice and wisdom on weight loss. So hang in there, payback is coming!!
Negativity from within
When someone makes a negative comment, you may or may not care, that is not the point. The problem is that these comments would register in your brain. Few weeks down the road, these comments will come back to haunt you, and you start to tell yourself things like “maybe they were right”, and start to break the rules.
So, if you want to shield yourself further from Negativity, you need to be able to refute all negative thoughts altogether. Before you can convince anyone about the effectiveness of weight loss, you need to convince yourself.
Why?
This is really a chicken and egg situation. Which one comes first, negativity or failure? Does failure bring negativity, or does negativity cause you to fail? I believe it’s the latter.
When you start a program with little information, you will make mistakes, u will do the wrong things, and u wont give it 100% effort (because you don’t know how). Therefore, you will not see results.
When this happens, u would then say "maybe they were right", "i cant do this", "this is not possible" .... and the rest of the negativity, and before u know it, u would fail.
Unfortunately, these people fail to realize that the failure didn't come from negativity, but because they did the wrong things, because they were not knowledgeable enough, and because they didn’t give it 100%.
So, once again, knowledge is key to handling this situation, you need to be well educated about your program, and then give it all you can with belief and dedication. If you do that, and only when you do that, you will start to see results. That would be all the confirmation you need, and negativity will disappear.
It’s like driving through a pitch dark tunnel, you can’t see a thing, but you still need to drive forward with the knowledge and belief that if you just keep going, eventually you will reach the end and be able to see the “light at the end of the tunnel”
I divided negative thoughts into two categories, the I can’t do it and the I don’t need it negativities. Let’s discuss each category here and refute them.
The I can’t do it Negativities
Many people do this, they try to lose weight and when they fail, they refuse to admit failure, or fail to identify the reasons for their failure. Instead, they declare it as impossible, and give excuses, such as:
- Workout is physically demanding, my body cannot take it
- It’s too expensive, I cannot afford it
- It’s time consuming, and I am very busy
- It’s too complex to learn/understand.
- It’s not possible
Yes, workout is physically demanding, but you will not jog for an hour on your first day, that’s not possible. instead you will need to condition your body for workout, we will do this together. Secondly, weight loss is expensive ONLY if you decide to buy the expensive stuff, such as the costly equipment, supplements, the gym memberships, etc.
But if you chose the alternative – and in my opinion – more effective options, then weight loss will not be expensive at all. I tried all the expensive stuff, but in the end what really worked for me was just an exercise mat, pair of good sports shoes, a set of dumbbells, a set of gloves, and an old bicycle.
The issue of time is tricky. You might think there is little time for weight loss, especially when you see the hours and days fly by. However, you will be surprised on how much time you really have. Also, not all workouts are time consuming, as you will find out later.
As for complexity, I agree. Weight loss requires a lot of education, you need to learn a lot before you even begin your program. But then again, you have this book. This book will walk you through all the complexities and hopefully simplify it for you.
Finally, I am (and many many more people) is a living proof that weight loss is possible, and I am a regular person just like you. So yes, weight loss IS possible, I did it, why can’t you?
The I don’t need it Negativities
While some people refuse to admit defeat and mask it with denial. Others go one step further, they declare they do not need to lose weight altogether. It is much easier this way as they do not have to deal with the embarrassment, they would say things like:
- It never works, if you are fat, then you are fat
- It works only for a while, then you regain it all back
- Why suffer? Just enjoy your life
- I am happy with my weight, happy to be fat.
To many people, the very admission that they are fat is a huge source of shame and embarrassment. Some people are really big, I mean it’s obvious, yet they stubbornly declare themselves fit. These people do so because do not wish to be targeted for ridicule or sympathy.
So, to avoid all that, they make the above declarations and go about their lives, and continue to suffer in silence. Because of some stupid social norms. Unfortunately, their pain would only grow and this will only prolong the problem and make it even harder for them to lose weight at a later point in time.
So, if you are serious about weight loss, you need to put all that behind you, you need to suppress any feelings of embarrassment, shame, pride, etc. and focus only on what your body really needs. If you are serious about weight loss, you need to make the following declaration:
I am NOT ashamed of being fat, and I am NOT ashamed that I want to lose weight !!
When you fall sick, do you feel ashamed? Then why do you feel ashamed of being fat? In fact, being fat IS detrimental to your physical and psychological health. So by losing it, you are improving your physical and psychological health.
In fact, you should be proud of yourself, because you are trying to better yourself. You have the strong well to do things most people cannot do. You are not weak, and you are not hiding behind some embarrassment, shame or any other stupid social norms.
Now, let’s return to these comments and refute them. As I said before, I have an average life with average means and responsibilities, and very limited time. Yet, I was able to drop 25 kilos of fat in one year. So, weight loss worked for me, why not you? The bottom line is, if you do all the actions right, you will see results.
As for temporary results, I agree. Remember that I said that achieving the FLM is 50% success. Maintaining it is the other 50% of the battle. But don’t worry, maintenance is a lot easier. We will discuss this later.
As for suffering, we already agreed that there should be no suffering if you are knowledgeable enough. So, once again, education education education, that’s all you need.
Finally, for those who just want to enjoy their lives and those who claim that they are happy being fat, I simply ask them: Are you really enjoying your life? Are you really happy?
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